Week Fourteen: Article Complete

This week I finished the DPD article.  It is completely finalized after four rough drafts and will be sent out to get published in various outlets including yourhub.com, the Advocate and the Denver Police Department.  The completion of this article brings me much happiness.  One, I’m glad to be rid of the thing after beating it around for so long.  Two, it is the first concrete, creative piece I have to show for myself in this internship.  Three, I can turn my energies to different projects with more direction and take pride in having completed something that took so much research gathering, finite editing and mental work to complete.   

Burnt Bridges and Busywork: 10 Ways to Fail any Internship

By: Casey Prey

Are you jealous of your jobless friends?  Tired of dragging yourself to that internship week after week?  Do you need more personal time to go shopping or play video games?  Then follow these ten easy tips to FAIL your internship (works 100% of the time)! 

10.  Step one’s easy.  Show up late and leave early!  This gives you more time to do the things you’d rather be doing.  If you’re really keen, you could show up late, leave early, and still mark a full day’s work.  After all, it’s just a little white lie, and may help you fail that internship even faster!  Hit the snooze, read the paper and miss your bus.  Showing up early will make companies want to keep you employed, and who wants that?   

9.       Do not, I repeat, do not set goals with both yourself and your boss.  That’s a surefire way to find success and learn. 

8.       Turn the company’s time into your time.  That way, you can get paid for it.  The logic is flawless.  Anytime you can surf the internet, listen to some tunes, or flirt with your coworkers while still getting paid, do it!  You’ll be “let go” in no time and have a few extra unearned dollars in your pocket. 

7.       Don’t ask questions and don’t pay attention.  Interns should already know it all, but if you don’t — fake it!      

6.       Don’t just make excuses . . . blame everyone else.  If the boss asks you why you left your dirty dish in the break room sink, don’t settle by saying you were in a hurry; go the extra mile and blame it on Tim the research assistant!  Making enemies is an easy way to get out of the workplace and into some comfy sweatpants. 

5.       Lie about your qualifications.  Businesses hate dishonest employees.  Naturally, lying about qualifications is the quickest way to get out of any internship.  In fact, lie every chance you get, because lying equals lying . . . unemployed and on a cozy couch. 

4.       This one should be instinct for any slacker.  Get out of work every chance you can.  A great way to do this is to utilize the “excessive break procedure.”  For instance, use the restroom frequently (even if you don’t need to go to the restroom), take coffee breaks (even if you don’t drink coffee), and, my favorite, exploit “personal problem” breaks (i.e. pretend there’s a crisis that you just have to attend to).  If you must actually do some work, be sure to cut corners, cheat, and con your way to the bare minimum. 

3         Be negative about everything.  Complain about the work.  Complain about the boss. Complain about the company.  Nobody likes a whiner, so make sure to grumble, carp, and nag your way to unemployment victory.

2.       Never take initiative.  Don’t live up to your potential.  If initiative shows anything, it’s that you want to be there, and you definitely don’t want to be there.  Proudly display this attitude.  Step into the background, be a fly on the wall and show that you’re not up to the task.  Kiss pesky recommendation letters goodbye (along with that dreaded word “success”) and you’ll be passed over in a heartbeat.    

1.       This last step is the ultimate foolproof way to fail any internship.  Never, under any circumstance, communicate clearly!  Keep your faculty advisor in the dark, ignore the help of your internship advisor, and do not address any problems with your employer.  Effective communication is the one tool that advisors, employers, and faculty utilize to keep you in those wasteful, so called “career-building” internships.  Falling into this trap will only serve to help you have a successful internship experience and be a great stepping stone for your future career.  Who wants that?  There are simply too many great television shows you simply cannot afford to miss.

So there you have it.  Casey Prey’s proven effective, “Internship Failure Method.”  See the results instantly!  100% failure guarantee.  *Not recommended for the hard-working, success-chasing, future-of-tomorrow type people.  If you’re one of those, simply do the opposite.  As for the rest of you . . . I’ll catch you on the couch! 

Week Thirteen: This and That

This week I turned my rough draft article in to Tam.  We talked about it and made a few edits.  I added a few more hundred words to it and I will work on finalizing it next week.  I finished all of the success stories.  There is over forty ready for upload onto the ELC website. 

I’ve learned that editing is a painful but rewarding process.  When editing the writing of others, their mistakes are blatant trolls blaring out of the page, pointing and laughing at me.  I stamp them out with a loud but satisfactory CLICK of the delete button and replace those trolls with little patches of lilies.

However, when I write—I write no wrong.   Meaning, I look over my articles, make a few edits, and think I’m good to go.  Then I turn it into Tam.  She points out all the obvious mistakes I should have seen.  This and that (literally: “this,” “that,” “those”—the dreadful referent ambiguities) become apparent to me and I hang my head in shame.  I think this is a lesson that can be applied to everyone.  It is so easy to see the faults and mistakes in others, yet so hard to notice it in ourselves.  Rough draft after rough draft, this article-writing will be a humbling but rewarding experience. 

Week Twelve: Operation ELC

This week I spent a lot of time developing the article about Denver Police Department internships.  I completed a rough draft of about 540 words, which is basically an article encouraging students from all majors to look into doing an internship there. 

On Friday, we had a staff meeting.  I learned everybody’s favorite movie and attempted to single out just one to present as my own, an activity I encourage you to try (it’s harder than you think!). 

But we didn’t just sit around and talk about movies.  We delved into the deepest chasms of Operation ELC.  I learned how complex and precise this center is.  I got to be a part of the communication process and I was able to see, firsthand, the different frustrations and problems as well as successes that go along with a business such as this. 

The ELC is like one of those old grandfather clocks.  There are many finite pieces and gears that precisely fit together, turning in syncopation to make this place “tick.”  I hope that I can do my part to add to the “tock.”